What is it about 3am?!

I don't know if Matchbox Twenty chose 3 am as opposed to 2 or 4 for a reason, but whenever unwanted thoughts kill my sleep, and i finally give up and switch on the light in exasperation, it is that particular wretched hour give or take about twenty minutes. I love my sleep. Crankiness invades if at least 8 solid hours have not been had. But tonight it is not to be, and rather than tear the sheets with too much kicking and twisting, Im up drifting through random google searches. "Orange clocks" brings up some kinda funky images! Also, I couldn't get a half line of the Simon and Garfunkel song "Flowers never bend with the rainfall" out of my head, which turned out to rather eerily sum up exactly how I feel right now. I haven't heard it or thought about it in at least 2 years. Thumbs up for the sub conscious.

Through the corridors of sleep
Past the shadows dark and deep
My mind dances and leaps in confusion.
I don't know what is real,
I can't touch what i feel
And i hide behind the shield of my illusion.

So i'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

It's no matter if you're born
To play the king or pawn
For the line is thinly drawn 'tween joy and sorrow,
So my fantasy
Becomes reality,
And i must be what i must be and face tomorrow.

There is something comforting about finding how I feel put into words far more cleverly than I could hope to, with a lilting, almost happy tune to go along with it :) Its so much more of an effective tonic than the wailing and wallowing that most modern songs seem to do. Although I might be generalizing unfairly, as the brain with no sleep is having vague painful flashbacks of songs that whined for 4 minutes straight. If you're complaining, you could at least refrain from overdosing the listener with it.

To do list for summer 2007

• Learn to surf
• Get drivers licence
• Recover crazy wild self. Rather miss that self
  
• Read books already bought before buying more
  
• Focus!! Be a nerd. Well, during the semester that is.
• Find an interesting volunteer job.
  
• Kick the addiction to airports.
• Write
• Say yes
  
• Start the photography thing again

i.e - get a life.

*Gulp*

A week and 3 days to go before the end of exams, the semester and my first year of university. Not going so well. Especially the second semester, where a vague sense of panic sort of hovered over everything, not demanding any attention, just...existing. All the time. I tried sleeping it away. Disaster. After a few weeks, hazily wondering which month it was, I started to fret in earnest. The problem is that generally I have my emotions well trained. Most of them can be talked into being reasonable, and the ones which cant wear themselves out soon enough so that normalcy can bounce back. So this time around, faced with an unsettling shadowy presence that lounges around, none of the old battle plans worked. Avoiding was out of the question so I tried ignoring - it laughed!

And descended.

With a week and 3 days to go... I'm in so much trouble.

Another ditch in the road, we keep moving...

I really need life to stop. Is that so much to ask? A little pause. A few days. Which is really a miniscule drop in the ocean if you look at the bigger scheme of things. I will frantically gulp down lungfuls of oxygen. My head will stop spinning. I can stop running. Im taking rests when there arent supposed to be any and falling even further behind in The Race. Im so far behind, but not yet out, the fat lady hasnt sung yet!! And she jolly well had better not for a long time to come :)

On a different note, omg, Im a Labour voter! Never ever thought I would say this, but there you go. And Im hoping that they win this election, because the Libs are going overboard. The Liberal govt is too cocky, they've forgotten that what makes Australia such a easy, lovely place to live [besides the beaches and sun] is that the lower income wage rates are ridiculously good. They've forgotten that Aussies pride themselves on being more than mere money grubbers. The workplace agreements are going to make this country richer, indisputable, but at the same time its going screw over a LOT of the little people. The gap between the rich and the poor will become larger, people will be working their asses off for less. Does this sound familiar to anyone? A certain arrogant nation has a shocking split between the rich and the poor? Yea, its disturbing to see America in an Aussie future.

I dont think anyone has thought about it from quite this angle, but its going to heavily affect university and tafe students because they make up a massive part of the retail and hospitality sector. These part time jobs get them through the 4 or 5 years of uni until they get 'real' jobs. It would be so sad if we become like the American students I know, constantly stressed out because their casual jobs are too casual to survive on. Aussies dont just live from paycheck to paycheck, all of the sensible ones I know go on all kinds of funky holidays and generally enjoy themselves while going to uni and working. And this in turn I think makes them so much more interesting as people, having thoroughly enjoyed life by the time they have to settle down and do a 9-5 or 9-midnight. Its reflected in what companies look for in their graduates, again, I dont really know countrywide, but from what I've experienced in Aussie so far is that the big finance firms - KPMG, PWC etc etc all want ppl with a range of experiences. Leadership. Interesting interests i.e. a personality! Correct me if Im wrong, but if you're supporting yourself, doesnt it make sense that being able to have a life outside of university does depend on being able to support yourself without stressing out too much?

Or am I just being a lazyass Sri Lankan? :D

Or chicken.

The wherefores.

So, this being a couple of weeks before exams it is, of course, the most rational time to start a blog. I've never been this screwed for exams. Ever. Even with A levels, even though I did no work on my own, I had some vague idea as to what is going on, and lets face it, London ALs especially with the modules, is not too bad. This time around, having made into uni through some glitch in the universe, and even more strangely managed to survive a semester, Im dead meat. And decomposing fast. Ok Im now going to stop contemplating my prettily decorated study plan and try to catch up on the 2 months of chatting/partying/I dont even know what.

http://www.savagechickens.com/blog/2005/03/irrational-fear-3.html - awesome chicken cartoons. Good for daily laughs and things to ponder :)

The whys

Im terrible at the whole perseverance thing. The last time I tried a blog, it lasted a grand total of about 3 months, starting off of course with enthusiastic posts every few days dwindling down to the inevitable zero posts every month. Flatlined. This time around however, Im hoping I'd have developed enough of a personality to keep it going. For the past 10 months my life has been really quite dull, but I feel in my bones a change in the air. This summer is going to rock :) And it all started on a certain dark and rainy night... more on that in the days to come ;)