Life and love with an emotional Pyrrhus

I love debate. Not the organised people in rows talking against the clock stuff, but the real deal the way the old philosophers did it, one on one or small groups, people actually listening to each other, bothering to figure out different points of view, large scale consumption of wine, wit and what in my head I see as a charged atmosphere of intelligent open minded people enjoying expanding their thinking. Yes, granted, some might call that a delusion of an idealist, but I've come across people who would have fit right into that room I see in my mind. 

One person, who is currently making my blood boil and imagination overflow with satisfyingly violent thoughts would've been kicked out of that room, hopefully with a spear up his ass. To be fair, I think everyone has certain blind spots in which they don't want to hear/ are not interested in the other side of the coin. When it comes to female circumcision, I don't care about the culture argument, being a female and painfully aware that with a little shift of fate I could have been born as one of the [probably conservatively] estimated 92 million girls over age 10 in Africa who have had to undergo THIS. I don't care that its tradition, its barbaric, demented and anyone involved should to be shot. In the stomach. With a single cyanide coated bullet. And left to bleed to death. While forced to watch Bold and the Beautiful. Hung, drawn and quartered is also a particular creative genius that would suffice. 

*Exhale* Anyway! Getting back to the point, there are some people who really do only see a world of their own making. It is futile to describe any other picture to them, on par with showing a dog a rainbow [Dogs are colour-blind]. 

C is a normally lovely boy with a good heart, capable of doing the sweetest things. However in an intellectual debate or a crunch time situation involving emotions, he's just a dog in his little black and white world. What frustrates me the most is that by no means is he one of the stereotyped boys who are emotionally ignorant. Oh no, on the contrary he can go on for literally hours [having been at the receiving end of these self-pitying rants, I wish that was an exaggeration] with excruciating detail into carefully thought out complex arguments as to why he has been hard done by and betrayed as he 'always' is, oh poor him that believed in and opened his vulnerable heart to cruel human kind.. etc etc ad nauseam, oh Zeus please thunderbolt me now!

On an intellectual level its fascinating to observe how it happens. Conversations with him resemble laps round a Nascar circuit, it doesn't matter about the possibilities out there, he wants to be 'right' and will take whatever it takes, including building walls and a stadium to make sure that its just not possible to go anywhere near an exciting rally track with forests and dirt roads and unexpected twists. Which is what a proper debate should be like. He will do, literally whatever it takes, including subtle self esteem manipulation to keep you going round and round in the same circle. So he's always right. Usually because logic is screwed but delivery it so forceful, its not worth the fight. A Pyrrhic victory. As a result, so many interesting ideas, potentially mind-blowing angles of thought are slammed out of his life. And even that one can say is fair enough, after all he can probably live quite happily without being willing to listen to TRY understanding why war crimes tribunals are important *cringe*. I personally cant handle that, it made me cry, but oh well.

It's when this mindset, a concretely set mind spills over into emotional situations that things get messy. When you have a rigid image of what you want from other people, when there are expectations of the way people should be that leave no room for who they actually are, and what they want from their life or how they do things, the conditions are set for cyclones to be a brewing.

Intentions or reasons behind actions suddenly have no value, unless of course they are his intentions and actions. Thats a scary world to live in, with the human element in a sense is amputated, removed with the cold, sterile slice of a self indulgent surgeon's blade and only the actual deed, the dead limb is left. Misunderstanding, mistake, accident, unintentional are now words without meaning because they involve comprehending at an emotional level the other person's actions. To be honest, that would be okay if he applied the same rules to himself, or even SAW what he was doing, but of course, no. 

One particularly reflective friend once made the observation that when someone is overly sensitive, it invariably results in insensitivity toward other people, because it is very difficult to get over being wrapped up in how you feel, and see someone else's hurt or intentions.

Sometimes, it doesn't matter that you didn't get what you wanted/expected/hoped for from the person. Sometimes, it is more important that your friend is in a shit situation, making mistakes, slipping on a learning curve and needs your support. 

SS - This post is for you. You need what you need, don't ever let someone else guilt you away from reality. Love love love.